


Turning Point

by JaziandCo



Series: Secrets - Shadowhunters (TV) [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 1.08 Ficlet, Body Dysphoria, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mild Transphobia, Original Character(s), Trans Male Character, again mostly mentions or internalized by Alec, and important later, and it was canon, but she's a wee little thing, it's important, it's not like it's permanent, mild homophobia, okay okay hear me out, transgender alec lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:22:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaziandCo/pseuds/JaziandCo
Summary: The breath he didn’t realize he was holding got caught somewhere between a sigh and a sob. He shook off the hand she’d put on his arm, quickly regaining his composure, before the idea came to him.





	Turning Point

Lydia Branwell certainly knew how to make an entrance. After the woman walked into the Institute wearing Valentine’s face- catching the arrow Alec had immediately fired at her- and announced her Clave-approved takeover of what was once under his parents’ control, he had been forced to accept that there were absolutely consequences for the actions of him and his siblings thus far. Which he had been trying to warn them all about before they started running around with  _ Valentine’s daughter _ of all people.

 

And now, here they were, Jace benched, Clary corralled (wonder how long that will last), he and Izzy under strict observation, and the possibility of him ever becoming Head of the Institute slipping further and further from his reach. It’s probably the worst time to say “told you so”, but if it fits…

 

Ignoring the absolute ridiculousness of the whole Clary’s-mundane-friend-is-slightly-less-mundane business, there had been an attack on Luke’s pack by a supercharged Forsaken, which meant more patrols and higher security than ever. Whatever Valentine had up his sleeve, Alec didn’t like where this was heading. The Forsaken was brought back to the Institute, Simon was a little less dead (only a little- vampires, after all, don’t breathe or have a heartbeat), and Magnus was brought in to help Izzy with the autopsy of the creature.

 

And had seen him in just his sweats and his binder. And had stared at him for an unreasonably long time. Alec knew, logically, that unless someone was actually looking for differences, most wouldn’t be able to tell. But Magnus wasn’t most people,  _ and  _ he had  _ stared _ , had seemed surprised, had looked him up and down several times with his mouth open.

 

Shadowhunters were used to at least partial nudity- the process of using runes did require skin to be bared, and the Institute did double as barracks. Most men trained shirtless. Most women trained in just a sports bra. Alec himself had plenty of memories of private hand-to-hand sessions with Jace and Izzy in nothing but his boxers. Having a warlock undress his mostly-covered body with his eyes was possibly the most naked Alec had felt in a long time. To his surprise, though, it was disappointment and not shock or disgust or even curiosity that the other man voiced when he’d hurriedly covered up.

 

He really,  _ really _ needed to have that talk with Magnus.

 

First, though, he had to talk to his parents. Lydia had let slip a bit of information that he’d never thought he’d hear. His parents had been part of the Circle, same as Hodge. And while they’d all known Hodge’s sin, hearing his parents had been hiding this from them was devastating. And to top it off, it  _ hadn’t _ been Maryse or Robert to say it, but the woman who snatched control of the Institute from Lightwood hands in the same breath.

 

Once confronted, Alec’s mother had given her usual deflections and excuses and vague answers- insisting this was why they had raised him with the expectation that he would restore honor to the Lightwood name. Insisting this was why they needed him to act like a  _ proper _ Shadowhunter woman so he could make a good marriage alliance and have many children to replenish the ever shrinking numbers in their ranks. Or, if he’d intended to keep up this charade of masquerading around like a man, at least find a widow with kids and have a family to raise that way.

 

His father was honestly no better, echoing Maryse with carefully chosen words intended to sound more compromising without actually budging on the demands. Alec was trapped. This, right here, was why he had locked away most of this part of him. He couldn’t have what he wanted, so why bother pursuing it when he’d be told to let go at a moment’s notice for the good of the Clave, the Institute, the Lightwoods.

 

When Lydia asked him to go on a patrol with her, it’d been a welcome distraction. He’d accepted immediately. He knew if he stayed here, he’d just end up snapping at Izzy again, who he’d just gotten done apologizing to. And he knew if he went out on his own, he’d probably end up back at Magnus’ loft, and  _ that _ was a conversation he absolutely wasn’t ready to have.

 

To his surprise, though, when the patrol turned out to be quiet and absent of major demon activity or Downworlder nonsense, Lydia had opened up to him. To his surprise, Alec had proposed to her. In that order. Okay, maybe not his most well thought out plan, but…

 

Lydia had told him about her fiance John, how she’d refused to bow to her family’s pressure for an arranged marriage, how she had fallen in love with a handsome young man who she’d subsequently lost to demons after a mission gone wrong. How she’d refused to allow torture to be a part of the interrogation process with a captured warlock, and how that had cost her everything. How the blow had been especially hard to take after learning she was pregnant with Roslyn.

 

Wait.

 

Back at the Institute, Lydia’s envoy had included a little girl, about five years old, that he’d assumed was with one of the older adults. Max had become fast friends with her, introducing her at one point to his siblings as simply “Rose”. Lydia was only a little older than him- twenty-six. And John had died, she’d said, a little under six years ago. Oh.

 

_ Oh _ .

 

“I’d known it was foolish,” Lydia was saying as his mind played catch-up, “not using the anti-pregnancy rune. But we were going to be married soon anyway and we wanted a family and- well. Roslyn looks just like him, you know?”

 

She was fidgeting, looking down at her hands. Alec could sympathize- just like him, she was stuck. Her family name in tatters, pressure to marry for politics, and a few… complications… that would disqualify her from most of the running. She went on a bit about how John’s death showed her that some sacrifices must be made for the greater good, and how while she had wanted an Institute to run, she had not wished to damage the old bond between Branwell and Lightwood by usurping power. However, she was following orders from the Clave, and the Law was hard, but it  _ was _ the Law.

 

“Speaking of,” she went on, “I heard rumor that your parents are looking to find  _ you _ a match. You’re surprisingly popular with the ladies back home.”

 

Alec tried very hard not to gag, and apparently failed, because now Lydia was  _ laughing _ at him. “Lydia- I- I’m pretty sure they’re not- I mean-” he cleared his throat and glared down at his traitorous hands, “My parents  _ do _ expect children to be part of this-”

 

Lydia gave him a long, knowing look, suddenly serious. That… actually didn’t help him at all. Dammit, dammit, dammi- “If it helps, I don’t think those women care. You’ve been raised away from Idris, but you  _ were _ born there. All any interested party has to do is look at the records for Maryse’s firstborn. There are men interested too but,” and she cleared  _ her _ throat, clearly as uncomfortable with what they weren’t saying as he was, “I think you’d make a better husband than a wife.”

 

The breath he didn’t realize he was holding got caught somewhere between a sigh and a sob. He shook off the hand she’d put on his arm, quickly regaining his composure, before the idea came to him. “If you feel that way, then why don’t- uh,” Don’t lose nerve, don’t overthink, “I mean, our families are both powerful and they’ve formed alliances like this before, right? Plus then my parents will have Roslyn as their Shadowhunter granddaughter, and we could be co-Heads of the Institute and lead together instead of starting a feud. It’s perfect.”

 

Lydia had looked shocked at first, but slowly her expression had changed to understanding. “And yo- you’re okay with marrying me? You’re sure?”

 

Alec smiled wide at her. She got it. It made sense. This would be the start of making everything right again. If it worked. It had to. Otherwise, he would- he’d have to-

 

“Yes,” he cut off his train of thought there, not wanting to deal with the consequences of spiraling down that particular path while on a patrol, or worse,  _ in front of someone _ .

 

“Then yes from me too,” she beamed at him, hand back on his arm.

 

They finished up their patrol with minimal trouble, smiling and chuckling at each other as they walked back to the Institute. Alec felt lighter than he’d been since Clary appeared. Magnus had advised him to do what felt right and this-  _ this _ felt right enough. If he  _ had _ to go with a political marriage, then Lydia was absolutely the right choice. Clave Law was very clear- marriage was between a man and a woman. It did not, however, specify how it defined “man” and “woman”- and as far as Alec (and Lydia, apparently) was concerned, he was “man” enough to fit most definitions. And needed just a bit of outside help to fit the rest.

 

And, besides, Alec couldn’t begin to think about being some guy’s  _ wife _ , being pregnant, having se-  _ Nope _ . Not going down that rabbit hole. He was overthinking again and he knew it. Not that having sex with Lydia, or any woman for that matter, was any more appealing considering his interest  _ did  _ lie exclusively with men, but at least that didn’t require-

 

He was going to hyperventilate if he kept going. He needed to stop thinking. Everything was going to be fine. He shook himself, walking through the doors of the Institute. He was doing the right thing. It was going to be alright. It had been a quiet night, everyone was where they should be, they had the Mortal Cup safe and sound, and things were going to be looking up from here. Izzy and Max were safe, and they’d be able to be more free with their choices if he did this.

 

Hindsight is always 20/20, but Alec was glad later that he hadn’t had the time to put away his bow and stele when a Forsaken punched through the wards and everything went to shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate title: Alec Makes Bad Decisions
> 
> Loopholes are significantly more easily exploited when you have blind, devoted adherence to the letter of the law and not the spirit of the law. And I have feelings about Lydia. This is where it starts separating from canon- the plot will still follow the show, but there will be more to it than just that.
> 
> As always, thank you for your continued support and enthusiasm :)
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely BiconBane


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